A blog by Chukky Ibe

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a happy thought

by Chukky Ibe after Kurt Elling

assuming this is the last day of my life,
which means it is also the first

i am stunned-still, but in my terror i am free.  as i prepare for what is known here, as death.

i am no stranger to her touch having already met her, and although i am not eager to be reacquainted, i know  there is nothing to be afraid of.

dying, will not be more lonesome than living. so there are no sore feelings, because i did not ask to be born, and yet, here i am.

what ever it is that i am,  a little piece of flesh, and a little piece of breath, and some bones. 

whether i am part of a whole, or the cause of a cause, i do not know. whether the Universe or Gods knows my name, i do not know. and who am i to believe i am more than who i am. to ask for more than what has been given to me by that great force that gives, that pre-ordains, that destines. and for all i have received, i have received without quarrel or contempt. even the moments of great suffering, and pain, because this too is proof i am alive.

and why should i consider the things i have received and those that have caused me pain to be anything of value, considering everything that has come before me.  all the beasts that roamed the skies, built the forests, and even burnt them into deserts, considering all the lives in the oceans, and all the people who have come before and who will come after me, and all the stars in the sky, and the names of all our Gods.

considering all of this, why should i consider my suffering, to be anything of value, when i look up to the sky, and know there are worlds i will never be a part of. and my grief is heavy, but it is one in a universe of grief. so i take it only as proof that i am alive, that i have been a witness in this world. 

what difference does a breath more, or a day more, or a year more make. The great conductor has called me to perform, and i have answered this call. 

isn’t this such a happy thought.

I read what I like

The library was always in my room. A house without books to me is like a house without chairs, or a fridge. But I never really thought of myself as a reader, just someone who read a lot. So it was a bit strange when my brother asked me this Christmas for book recommendations. The summer of 2018 till now have been my best reading years since I started boarding school. I have been reading voraciously since Enid Blyton and the secrets of the moon castle. Ironically, school, and all those bad books made me lose my love for the written word.

I spoke to him a bit about my reading habits, what I am reading, why I am reading it, and I was happy to share some recommendations about books and I ended up gifting him 3 books. Truth is, I felt pretty good about the recommendations I gave him, so I want to share an extended version with you as well.

So as we enter the new year I know you are making decisions about who you want to be in 2020. This super easy article will share thoughts about reading, how to read, what to read, why to read, and what not to read. I have notes for both beginning readers, intermediate readers, and some recommendations that anyone who reads diligently may benefit from. I will keep it quick, easy and practical for yah. You know, I always like hearing from you and having a conversation about your reading culture, so write back if you have any thoughts agree or have another take on my strategy.

“Buying books is one habit, reading books is another.”

Sadaf

1) How to Start.
Really easy. As easy as possible. After being forced to read-only reading academic literature for 4-5 years, I had to fall in love with reading all over again. I also had to build my confidence level, and re-spark my curiosity. So I started with the black panther series written by Ta-Nehisi Coates. This is an author and thinker I have followed closely over the years through his work on The Atlantic, and his brilliant work covering Barack Obama. He had several books I could have gone to; Between The World and Me, We Were Eight Years in Power. But I couldn’t start there. My intention was just to start. I currently have his novel The Water Dancer as the top priority for January, and I am excited to start reading it. If you start with a book that’s too tough too soon, you will break your resolve. So start with a book, that will want you to read more books. My recommendation is something with a lot of pictures, something that you can finish quickly. I started with a graphic novel that was interesting enough, that I could finish under an hour. But Chukky How do you know which book will allow you to start ?

2) Pick a topic you actually CARE ABOUT
If you care about hip-hop, then i recommend Rick ross or Gucci manes new books. Jay-z decoded was seminal in re-invigorating my appreciation for reading. If you like cooking, read about cooking, read about dancing, about running. Find a writer from a community you are already identifying with. But if you are like, a business person who wants to read business books, I will recommend instead starting with something that is a hobby. Something that doesn’t feel like work, if you are a parent, maybe read a book about good parenting, or pick up a short romance or erotica novel (Parenting and romance could also feel like work) but you get what I mean  . I won’t go to anything that was gifted to you or anything that was written by your pastor, or assigned in school or church. I will go with something easy to flip through. Young adult novels for me are always a good place to start. They are designed to keep you hooked, to spark curiosity, and to keep you coming back for me. So basically, capitalism. Yup. But start easy. Picking a topic you care about, something you already identify with, and just migrate those interests into reading. There will be a lot of bad books, false starts and boring episodes.

3) I didn’t say finish the book. I just said start it.
It’s a book! Isn’t the point to finish it? But my dearest buddy, who said so? I dare say this is a social construct created by capitalism and promoted through the colonial expansion and sustained through patriarchy, e.t.c. But I won’t cos I’ll be really stretching it. If you are new to reading, you would want to try different things, go at different paces, you would want to find what works best for you. I will say give every book a chance, but the book has to do some work as well, and if it’s not reciprocating, gift it to your enemy. You don’t have to finish the book. But you have to start it. If you are new to this, know that you will fail, and fail very bad. But why is failure a bad thing? That is why it is good to start easy, start light, and slowly increase the resistance as your progress.

“When I am inside writing, all I can think about is how I should be outside living. When I am outside living, all I can do is notice all there is to write about. When I read about love, I think I should be out loving. When I love, I think I need to read more.”

Sarah Kay

4) Okay, but I am so busy, when should I read!
For me, its Saturday morning between 8 am and 1pm. I am a slow reader. I don’t know the science behind fast or slow reading, but I need time. When I was younger, my friends sped read through books while I was barely getting started. I think this tanked my confidence and self-efficacy. But now I have no friends, so I can read at my own pace : ) Sometimes I am on my bed for all those hours just burying my imagination into a book. Through much trial and error, I have identified Saturday morning as my optimal reading hours. I always wanted to be one of those people who drinks wine and reads a book before I sleep. But I learnt the hard way that my mind needs plenty of time to wind down before I sleep. On Saturday mornings, I am relatively uninterrupted and have backed reading into my personal leisure routines. There is likely a time in a week where you can read for hours straight. Find that time, and lock it down. That’s your reading time baby.

5) Okay, thanks Guru Chukky. Now I have gotten into a groove, should I pick up a harder book?
Um, no! That’s why I am the guru here. Let me do the advising. Now put the book down and go outside and play! Sarah Kay said it best “When I am inside writing, all I can think about is how I should be outside living. When I am outside living, all I can do is notice all there is to write about. When I read about love, I think I should be out loving. When I love, I think I need to read more.” You want reading to be part of the things you do not necessarily who you are. I mean, some people want to be readers, but most people want to be someone who reads. I find a lot of people are afraid of being “ Nerds” or geeks. Believe me, the nerds are upset that we are now mainstream, so don’t join our party. Just find that optimal hour, and maybe add two or the repetitions in your week, and try that on for size. And part of the fun of reading is talking to your friends about what you are reading about! Use those words only writers and readers use, like superfluous, or prodigious, or rapacious. I just drop those words in between conversations to flex on you friends like “Ooo, Taiwo, I see you at the gym putting in those prodigious reps ! ” “Um….what…” moving on.

“Curiosity should not also be confined by a google search. If you are looking to cultivate a more robust reading experience, I encourage you to consider casual research. It has all the benefits of discovery, and you don’t need to hand anything in.

Chukky Ibe

For Intermediary readers

“Buying books is one habit, reading books is another – Sadaf.”
“I love books! They make really good furniture- Essosa”
So you have developed a good reading groove. You know what you like to read when you like to read it, you have abruptly ended your fair share of books. You want to make some more decisions about your literary preferences. I will share with you some things I think about.

1) It’s all about the balance you know.
You can read a lot of books about one thing, or one book about a lot of things. Developing a learning about a lot of things like religion, mythology, philosophy, birds, rocks, wine has helped me get a wide and varied perspective on one given topic You develop interest in things you never really fancied. You can then decide what specific aspect of the topic you want to get into and fully invest in that. Finding books that will help you learn a little about a lot, always makes for a great alternative to conversations about the weather, and books that will keep you bogged down on one idea for 600 pages. Books like the Philosophy Book: Big Ideas Simply Explained, or any books in that series. Books on art history make for great survey reads. Finding the balance between fiction and non-fiction, between leisure and learning is essential. Non-Fiction is as much leisure as fiction is learning. Someone once told me to read a book for your spirit, a book to learn, and a book about interest, and rotate between three of them. So this may be; Eat Pray Love, Atomic Habits, Children of blood and bone, the alchemist, Meritocracy, the china model, The Water dancer. You get what I mean ?

2) Reading for Inquiry
For the first half of 2019, I was extremely interested in learning about African philosophy, cultures, and sciences. So I checked out 9 books on the specific topic from the library. And to be honest, this was one of the best reading experiences I have ever had. It was research without the final paper, reading for understanding, and for personal inquiry. Research does not have to stop when you leave university. Curiosity should not also be confined by a google search. If you are looking to cultivate a more robust reading experience, I encourage you to consider casual research. Find any topic you are curious about, check books out of the library, and just read read read!

3) Footnotes
Find a book you like or an author you enjoy? Who does that author learn from, who inspired their ideas, who disagree with them, who reviewed their work? This is a great way to discover what to read next! A great way to do this is by reviewing the author’s acknowledgement section, bibliography, or footnotes. It’s always hit or miss with this, but you think going down a YouTube rabbit hole is bad, try going down a footnote rabbit hole! Eventually, you will see patterns starting to emerge, and a seminal number of authors who keep coming up again and again. I like to look at those folks and then make my way back out. The difficulty with this system is they tend to be older more traditional thinkers. So if you want to diversify your reading list, consider spending more time on the most recent critics of these thinkers. You can find more diversity here.

The Hard Questions

Having fun! Isn’t Hard! When you have! A library card!!!

Chukky Should I borrow, buy, rent, or kindle. Hardcovers, softcover. Amazon vs local? And HELP all the book clubs I know make me want to sleep while walking. And, what are your thoughts about audiobooks and podcasts?
Thanks for asking these questions. I understand they are important to you. I will not respond to your moral ponderings because I am not your pope, sheikh or imam. But I will tell you what I do.

My preference is to always support black-owned book stores, and carriers that prioritize diverse and international authors, thinkers and books. These are so hard to come by. When I was in Hamilton, I went out of my way to search and find “A different book list.“ https://www.adifferentbooklist.com/ They have brilliant adult and youth programs and amazing collections of international books and they carry high quality non mainstream books. They also have competitive prices and good shipping policy. The lady I spoke to on the phone was also extremely polite. So that’s my book store for sure.
I never really got into kindle, because I stare at screens all day, and I just don’t want to stare at a screen when I am reading. It’s not that deep. But I do understand it’s cheaper than most books. But books also make GREAT furniture and kindles don’t.
If you are a beginner reader, you want to reduce your barrier to entry. Amazon it. Indigo, chapters, make it super easy for you to get started. But if you want to make a commitment to the literary tradition, reflect on your values and make decisions that are consistent with them. Reading is an extension of who you are. Integrate your reading with other values in your life.

When I can, I go local, but many local bookstores don’t carry the books I want to read. So I go out of my way to find a book store that I want, and I commit myself to that bookstore and their culture. I want to support international and diverse authors, so I buy from them Periodt. But I will always advocate for the readers’ experience. As long as the book is in the hand of the reader that’s what is important to me. The publishing and literary industry and professional culture have been evolving since the first pressers were invented in china decades before the Gutenberg printing press. Let me just add, that I am happy I didn’t have to read and learn latin before I could enjoy Tomi Adeyemi’s Children of Blood and Bone. Contemporary literary culture will continue to be transformed by market forces, cultural preferences, and transformation of technology. Whatever your decision is, make sure you consider supporting your local community center, and public library.

“I enjoy the gift of literacy, the freedom to read, freedom of thought, of association and of speech. Many have struggled for these freedoms, many continue to die in pursuit of these freedoms. Reading is not just fun. It is proof of life, an affirmation of my existence. It is necessary for me, I will read what I like.”

Chukky Ibe

I was able to check out a book from Mcmaster University that was banned in my country of birth. Don’t take Canadian universities library for granted. They have extensive archives and vast international collections. As an Alumni of an Ontario university, you will have access to their library resources. If you do not live close to your Alma Matter, you can still check books out through your library loan system ! And you can return books to any university that is connected to the inter-library loan system, also known as Racer. Use this system! You paid for it while you were an undergrad. Check out those books baby.
Louder, louder for the people at the back! Having fun! Isn’t Hard! When you have! A library card!!!

Should I join a book club?
The real question is, do you want to find love?
Reading does not have to be an isolating event. You can share it with friends, family, and strangers. If you haven’t found a book club with a community that you enjoy, in a place that you like. Duh, start one! Just ask your 4 friends to read a book for a month and you all get together. It’s like having friends over to play video games or to roll one up. This time, you are just burning through paper, instead of, burning paper. Book clubs are great ways to connect with folks who share similar values as you, so start one.

Fin
Hey, thanks for making it this far. I hope this has been useful to you. The comfort to read, the financial security to buy a book, the time to read, the peace of mind to reflect, are all blessings I have in my life I am deeply grateful for. Not everyone has this freedom or peace of mind, and others possess them in abundance. These are suggestions, things that have worked in my life, and would be different in individuals contexts. I enjoy the gift of literacy, the freedom to read, freedom of thought, of association and of speech. Many have struggled for these freedoms, many continue to die in pursuit of these freedoms. Reading is not just fun for me. It is proof of life, an affirmation of my existence. I will let no one convince me otherwise. I will not concent to apathy, and to be robbed of this glorious, wondrous, magnificent joy. I will read what I like, I will read what I like. I read what i like.

A Cow never dies

In an Igbo household just by looking at an animal standing, before it is slaughtered, one would know what part belonged to what member of the family. The head belonged to the Opara first son. The thighs belonged to Ada; the first daughter. The titled man Ichie; receives vital organs like kidney. Igbos are known for speaking in riddles even when they speak of Cows.

The day my grandfather was to be buried, the kinsmen gathered in the centre of the house debating many important family matters including who was to receive leftover Cows. My father was summoned to preside over this delicacy matter. I was sitting somewhere close enough to observe, but far enough not to be sent on an errand. I was paying attention until I was startled by the most furious moo. The Cow was bold, majestic, and unafraid of the imminent danger it was in. Or maybe, it was reconciled to its’ fate. What great stories it would recoil from its belly if we could hear it sing.

“Kilishi is what fire would taste like if it was seasoned with pepper. Suya is the only thing that can make a Nigerian man cry in front of his children.”

The Aboki I grew up around play with cows the way Susan and Bob play with trucks and Lego. It behoofs me how some of these nomadic-header cultures are described by international indices to be living in poverty. But look at their cows! How can a man with 100 cows, and 10 sons be poor? This too is a type of currency.

A Cow never dies. This is a saying from the greatest cattle-rearing people of Great Zimbabwe. If a Cow dies a “natural death” or “old age” indeed it belongs to a foolish person. The folk people of Zimbabwe have a tradition where a person has been identified to be in need, a wealthy cattle rarer will discretely send them a pregnant Cow. This person in need will take care of the Cow until the calf is born. They keep the Calf as their property, the Cows is returned and the cycle of virtue continues. A Cow never dies. Its uses are abundant.

From the Igbo, the Hausa, the Shona, the most inspired cultures of the world have come to know the cultural significance of the Cow. In Nigeria, this appreciation for Cows is never more apparent than during Ramadan. Our streets are abundant with these majestic beasts. If you go to the right market, you can get so close; you can smell the silence on their breath. In our mouths, they explode with peppers and onions. If this was the reward for fasting, every month should be Ramadan! Our Muslim and Hausa brothers and sisters prepare the table for us! Kilishi is what fire would taste like if it was seasoned with pepper. Suya is the only thing that can make a Nigerian man cry in front of his children. When Ramadan meat is involved, there is no man, no child, no Hausa no Yoruba, there is just, sweat, tears, pepper and milk.

As much as we eat Cows in Nigeria, we drink more milk. Milk in Nigeria is our first taste of hypocrisy. Cowbell powdered milk is found on every dining table across the country. Advertised through lush commercials of children going to school fully energised and a post-modern Nigerian family opening up a sachet and mixing it up with water. Oyibo Cows ski down avalanches and break into poses. I was inundated with these styles of commercials when I was a child. These commercials serve as loci for cultural commentary. If for nothing else, but because In one of the hottest countries on earth, our most popular product is sold with a commercial of a ski trip, and a Cow an Aboki’s mother will not recognize.

The socialization of a Nigerian child is such that despite the abundance of culture we live in, our desires are still foreign. Our imaginations are cultivated so when we dream we are always on a flight to America or England. When I am on my bed counting sheep, or Cows, they looked like the type I saw on the Cowbell packaging. They were plump, and polka-dotted, and went on ski trips, wore cowbells, and lived in houses. I have never met a Cow with a bell!

Chimamanda in the danger of a single story spoke about how she grew up reading about winter and plucking apples from trees when her reality was harmattan and udara/agbalumo falling on our heads. This is a similar truth. That these Cows on our streets and the Cows in our imaginings were so disconnected. Is Cowbell really our milk?

My beef is not with Cowbell; to be honest, I am lactose intolerant. As a company, Cowbell has come to be one of the most successful brands, business, and charitable organisations in Nigeria and Africa. But I can not reconcile the subtext of the images with our lived realities.

“But Chukky, Why does it matter what type of Cow is on the cover of a commercial? Don’t you have better things to do with your time? Write about corruption or poverty !” Of course, it doesn’t matter what Cow is on the front cover of Cowbell milk! But of course, it does. It matters because consumer products are cultural artefacts. The things we purchase, at best the things we desire are a reflection of the people we are. Consumer products and commercial advertising showcase the desires and beliefs of people. They sell back to us a more sanitized version of who we think we are or want to be when we use these products. On the other side of the kobo, despite how foreign these Cows may seem, these products are used in ways that are localized and re-contextualized for our families.

“Igbos are known for speaking in riddles even when they speak of Cows.”

As Nigerians, we need to do much more to appreciate our Cows. Why shouldn’t we? They are exceptionally well adapted, strong, and masters of every field. They have been adapted to survive desert towns and forests. They are as fancy as they are furious, elegant, graceful and violent. Their horns inspire fear and elegance. They are a source of great suya, kilishi, metaphor, currency, culture and great pride. If we cannot accept the best of who we are, then surely the worst of who we are presents itself.

But as with many things, it is difficult to know the value of a thing when you have an abundance of it. Cowbell is still awa milk, but that Oyibo thing is not awa Cow. I know this, because somewhere in Abuja, there is a Cowbell truck making way for an Aboki and his Cows to cross the street. I suggest you should too.

My friend, you should know that this story is not about cows. Igbos are known for speaking in riddles even when they speak of Cows.

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The times I died. And. Why I am still alive.

There are a few things strong enough to rip fan-yogo out of my hand; death is on the top of that list.  Before I could look left again, I felt the hot metal press against my already neat 7 year old skin. The impact flung my spider-man bag off my back and onto the top of the street. The cry of a fully grown boy drowned out the roar of the engine. Half the skin on my left leg had melted away. What felt like the force of a thousand canes flogged up my spine, and rested on the back of my neck. Helplessly I watched as the fan-yogo leapt out of my hand, and slowly melted unto the asphalt. No one is safe in Lagos. Not even a sinless boy, with fan-yogo in his hand, crossing the street on his way back from school. Crossing the street in Lagos will kill you.

The second time was around the corner from where my Spider-man bag rested, on-top of street from my school. Opposite the Eziamaka’s house. My cousins, siblings and I spent the weekend at a private pool with a family friend. I didn’t know how to swim and I was too scared to take of my shirt, so I decided to balance the pool-to-ball ratio between the kids section and the adults’ pool.  I remember falling. I remember the bubbles escaping my throat, found a way to float, why couldn’t I? I clung on to the water around me trying to make a ladder out of it. I felt the floor crash against my back. I closed my eyes, and breathed what should have been my last breath. And when I was awake, on the brick read floor, family huddled around me. The lifeguards who were paidto keep us safe were nowhere to be found. Only friends, and family, doing the best they could. The water escaped my mouth, I breathed in life. Swimming in Nigeria will kill you.

There are a few things strong enough to rip fan-yogo out of my hand; death is on the top of that list.

All these near death experiences – are very ajebutter (botty). I know.

The DSTV had begun to scramble. But this night there was no rain, no rushing winds or anything of this vein. NEPA took the light back. We brazed ourselves for the concert; but no generator (gen) on the street bantered. Not even our obnoxious neighbour’s gen who sang all day made a squeak.

Slowly, we felt the cracks in the door as the devil opened up the floodgates. Our home began to shake. The windows crashed in perfect unison, the mosquito net stood on guard.  We huddled like sheep in a lightning storm. It sounded like thunder, it felt like death. My mother sprung into action, Zomy, Adaure and I were ordered to pack a light bag, stand in a line. My mother ran to the kitchen to turn off the gas connected to the stove. She unplugged all the sockets to the wall. She moved like she had been rehearsing for this all her life. She ushered us through the back door, to the gate that connected us to Aunty Ebere’s house. She said it would be safer there. We opened the connector gate ready to escape. So did she, Aunty Ebere and her 2 children with packed bags, standing in a line stared right back at us. She thought it would be safer in our home. We were too scared to laugh, too confused to cry.

The bombardment continued all night. We fell asleep in each other’s arms to a concert of bombs and faint distant cries. We waited for whatever it was that was going to come. Judgment was upon us like God did Sodom and Gomorrah. For my sins I am born in Lagos.

From what my seven year old mind could make out from the radio we had recovered from my mothers workshop, an accident had happened at the Ikeja military cantonment. Poorly stored ammunition caused a series of explosions that felt like a civil war. Without warning or prophesy the skies were lit with death. Our bungalow quacked with regret, the street opened up and swallowed innocence.  The windows were broken, the houses were broken, our hearts were broken. The night was thick as death. Families attempting to cross the street drowned in a canal. They too clung on the the water in their fist and tried to make a ladder out of it.  Many of the dead were children separated from their families and then crushed in the stampede of sorrows. The lifeguards who were paid to keep them safe were nowhere to be found. Only friends, and family, doing the best they could.

Anthony the fasted boy in our class, and his family lived in the barracks. He would eventually share his tales of survival and bravery. About how he ran through the explosions, collapsing buildings, exploding munitions, he dodged discharged bullets, shells and grenades and made it safely away from the destruction. I believe Anthony. He was the fastest boy in class. Eventually he ran out of time and stopped coming to school. His family made it out because of his speed and bravery, but his home was now indistinguishable from fine sand. Many families in Ikeja still have not recovered from the destruction. Mothers are still searching for their hearts. Fathers still are searching for answers.

The night was thick as death. Families attempting to cross the street drowned in a canal. They too clung on the the water in their fist and tried to make a ladder out of it.  Many of the dead were children separated from their families and then crushed in the stampede of sorrows.

The military and the politicians said there was a mistake which led to an accident, which led to the death of thousands of people. Similar to the mistake made when the petrol tanker ignited in the middle of the streets. Similar to the mistakes made when the plane was cleared to fly and it crashed landed on the runways of our broken hearts. Similar to the mistake made when schools are cleared for use, and they collapse into the laughter of bustling children. We make a lot of mistakes In Lagos. We do not make the mistake of naming our tragedies. No black Mondays, or dark Tuesdays, or 9/11s. We just call them by their real names. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. We have lost count of all the bodies and all the days.  We stopped commemorating the anniversaries of disasters in Lagos.  Every day in Lagos is someone’s disaster.

Every day someone loses their life to a senseless avoidable tragedy; to the mistake of their neighbour, or the negligence of a worker, or the incompetence of public officials. We have become so accustomed to senseless tragedy and avoidable loss of life in Lagos. We have made our beds in our graves not knowing when, or where or how death will come but fully confident it will. If not to us, then to someone we love. Death can meet you anywhere at anytime. But in Lagos, it comes more often, and it stays longer.

In Lagos we our discouraged from complaining and encouraged to fix the problems we find.  “If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.” “We are the leaders of tomorrow” we say. “Run for office, change the system.” But what do you do, when even the air on your street conspires against you. My father exhaled when he turned fifty sixth. Men his age don’t make it that far. Should we not love our lives with the same veracity as we love our city and our country?  And when we must, which should we choose?

 A country has the responsibility to protect and secure the lives of her citizens. And it is only through this basic security that the nation derives legitimacy, its monopoly on violence and the moral authority to govern. If a country cannot by default, protect the lives of its citizens what do the citizens owe the country? You can breathe clean air in Kigali, you can drive safely in Kumasi. Why should we not to want to live in a place that promises you good air, clean water, and a commute that does not end in senseless tragedy. There is no shame in self-preservation.  Some of Our country folk now believe risking death crossing an ocean is more secure than risking life in Lagos. This is not the easy way out. There is no shame in self-preservation.

But what do you do, when even the air on your street conspires against you.

To those who are development advocates and encourage people to return home, and encourage Nigerians to stay home, can you guarantee they will not be blown up by the tanker in front of their bumper. We know that development takes time and effort, but what about crossing the street, or going swimming, or sleeping? Not even money can buy you safety or security. A friend of the family once showed off his N200m bullet proof Mercedes, in the same breath he lamented the loss of his child due to sickle cell complications.  For the wealthiest, all that needs happen is a decline in health to feel exposed to the elements of Lagos. The materially poor are constantly exposed to this.

To all those who complain about brain drain, and the need for citizenship retention for development,  some of us just want to drink fan-yogo in peace. Not everyone is a civil rights leader. Civilians should not be asked to die for their country. When a flight filled with professionals and families takes off and crashes, is this not to a kind of brain drain, is this not the worst kind of brain drain?

I am treasuring the childish desire to cross the street with fan-yogo in hand, enjoying a day at the pool, and the deep desire to go to bed without fear that my country will kill me in my sleep.

I understand those who will feel strongly against this piece. Indeed I too am a patriot and I am not advocating against your advocacy. I am simply mourning the dead, and ask you give them their due regard. I am treasuring the childish desire to cross the street with fan-yogo in hand, enjoying a day at the pool, and the deep desire to go to bed without fear that my country will kill me in my sleep.

Tears

with lyrics from the Beatles

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly

You were only waiting for this moment to  be arise

You were only waiting for this to be free

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She summer sang song like she was bitten by a Beatle

Her favorite melody was everything and anything playing on the stereo -set

To the rhythm of an acoustic sunset

Red -Means never stop 

Green means where did you go?

You look too much like father

To never come back home

Carrying your sister on your shoulder

Should never mean coffin

Walking her home should  never mean casket

Laying her to rest

Should not mean forever

I wonder what melody she sung 

When she realised her black bird

Broke it’s wings and forgot to fly

Burning bodies like tears

Crying from the sky

You were only waiting for this moment to be free

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There is a hole in my home

Open like a secret

Filled with medley of tears

We are laying mortar

Trying to fit all this tragedy back into our bones

the men in my family broke to

Wounds in mothers wombs

We all carry wailing  in our throats

Our bodies all made of grief

Like this is what it means to loose a child

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I saw an eyesaw

open eyes praying  upon a closed casket

So God who will open his heart

Grandmother

Too broken to cry

Now more damaged than the last time

Time stopped to mourn us too

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You were only waiting for the moment to arise

Do not tell me

Everything will be okay

Or that God has a plan

Or that there is a reason for this tragedy

Do not tell me time heals all wounds

Or everyone lost someone that day

Everyone I know

who found someone

they lost

Is now too lost forever

Do not tell me you do not see the hole in the wall the shape of a daughter

Do not bury these dead metaphors beside dead bodies

We will not dig another grave in the living room

Just Hold me in your palms

Like tears and never let go

You were only waiting for the moment to be free 

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the last stage of grief 

is learning

Which parts to let go

And which to let in

Burying the hatchet

And the body

Forgiving God.

Learning to cry.

Until all our tears grow wings and fly

with lyrics from the Beatles

Child Labour

54, 55, 56, 58. “If ever unsure start again from 1.” Most homes have yards with lawns greener than the other side’s; here we become pop stars, sport stars, Olympians. I spent most of my childhood in the yard. The yard of my red bricked childhood home, in Lagos, the city that God forgot, was my mother’s factory.

Following rigorous rituals in French, mathematics, and English, her longest working tailor Oga Taju would welcome me and my brother to the factory. His superpower -the ability to turn nouns into prepositions –must never be taken for small or simple thinking. His Yoruba accent would turn Chukky to Oeeshukky, just as fast as he spun cotton strands into warm bedding my mother sold.

Oga Taju is one of the seventeen tailors working in this factory. I say factory, but it could easily have passed for a garage. The walls of the largest room were as old as they were grey. Six holes in the wall and an open door allowed for what could loosely be described as ventilation.
In the pinning room by the left, fiber was placed on the base cloth and stitched together into Disney inspired duvet covers. On the pathway on the right of the pinning room we folded duvets and counted them in their bags “54, 55, 56.” This is their final stop until they were ready for the shelves
in the parts of Lagos that were not broken.

From the age of 7, I learned to count bags full of bedsheets and pillows. After graduating primary school, I was promoted to making and counting the Gift Sets – her most valuable product- with her workers. She would walk into the factory with tomato paste perfume following her like shadow; “this Is how I pay for your education.” Was that 56 or 57, if ever unsure, start again from 1.

As I dive through stockpile of aqua blue, navy blue, baby blue, sky blue, marine blue, searching for the right type of blue, sweat would rinse through my pores like oceans forcing itself into river. As a tailor’s son, I developed both a predilection and disdain for colours. I knew if I want to become the blue power ranger, all I need do is dress in pieces of abundant abandoned cloth lying around the
factory. Mummy’s factory was where I built my first Megazord and Secret Laboratory. When new
material arrives the factory, the drill is simple. Turn off the television, head to the yard, and count.
I wondered if the only reason she had children was to have us count bedsheets. Certainly this child labour is reparation for her hours in child labour. We had to pay her back in some way. With child labour; simple, redundant, repetitive tasks. Making us count bedsheets is how Mummy shows her love. She teaches us to value hard work. She oversees her children, a factory of workers, with her nose in the air hoping the tomato on the cooker doesn’t set all she has built ablaze

Labour, is the love behind her sacrifice. I wept when we moved from my childhood home 10 years ago. I am now 24 years old, a bachelor of political science, years into my labours of life. Our new home still has a factory in the backyard. On my last trip to Lagos, an unexpected shipment arrived to the factory. Once we heard the roar of the truck come through the gates, nostalgia melted into muscle memory. We put off the television, put on our sleeveless shirts, and slippers. 54, 55, 56, 58, or was that 57? If ever unsure, I would have to start again from 1.

Court of Kuba

Scene 5.5 A Queen’s SIGHT
Queen Fatima Braids her daughters hair
FATOUMATA:
holding a mirror
this is perfect mother! thank you !
QUEEN :
i wont ask what, or who, the fresh braids are for ?
FATOUMATA:
why do they have to be for someone ?
QUEEN :
i see, so it is a who.
FATOUMATA:
what!
who?
where?
when?
how !
QUEEN :
why are you moving so much, don’t get too excited.
i am not done just yet.
FATOUMATA:
why does everything you do have to be so perfect. it is
like you woke up one morning, perfectly formed.
QUEEN :
perfectly formed, haha, you wont imagine how clumsy i
was as a child, i broke everything i touched. no one
let me hold anything
FATOUMATA:
now you hold an entire kingdom in your hand.
QUEEN :
my hands have grown strong my love!

FATOUMATA:
wrist exercises !?
QUEEN :
braiding your hair is exercise enough !
silence as the queen braids her daughters hair
FATOUMATA:
maaa,
QUEEN:
yes my child.
FATOUMATA:
the other day, in court.
QUEEN :
what about it.
FATOUMATA:
with that child, why did you let her stay, the boshong
chief says you are ruling like a mother, and not a
queen. I think she is correct. You can not behave like
that especially when there is trouble with the chiefs.
QUEEN :
As Queen, am i not the mother of this country ?
FATOUMATA:
Well as Queen, you can order your subjects be enslaved,
or be killed, but as a mother you will not do the same
to your child. At least i hope not !
QUEEN :
well, don’t get too comfortable now !
(laughs)
FATOUMATA:
And also those men from Mali, you invite them to stay
in our country, after what they have done to Kwete.
What if they turn out to be spies, what if they try to
attack him ?
QUEEN :
(somber)
Fatou?
Okay. Sit up. Listen.
You must understand this, the farmer does not bring
Aminata here out of anger, but out of fear. Between a dying forest, and the Balouba migration he fears his
hard work will be stolen by a girl who has returned him
nothing.
When people are afraid, they are leagues away from
reason.
But we must all understand. People do not choose where
or how they are born. It is wise for those who have to
share with those who have received the wicked parts of
life. We did nothing to be born in a safe country.
But in the same vein, when we share our resources, the
new ones must earn their keep.
Moreover, strangers sometimes come with the things we
need. We are not only helping them. If not us, then our
children may require their assistance sometime in the
future.
FATOUMATA:
And the men from Mali ?
Fatoumata returns her head to be braided
QUEEN :
What better prison to have them but in the presence of
the villages watchful eyes. Not all prisons are built
of steel and stone. Some of them are built with silence
and secrets. Others are built in festivity and
laughter. Because a man walks with his head up in the
street, it does not mean they are free !
FATOUMATA:
what if they see something they should not ?
QUEEN :
one can not control what others see.
only what we show them.
you will be a queen one day my daughter, and you too
must learn to see.
FATOUMATA:
what should i look for ?
QUEEN :
start with the tip of your nose.

FATOUMATA:
Maa, seeing your nose is very difficult you know.
QUEEN :
yet it is simpler than seeing the truth.
we, must only see what is infornt of us Fatoumata.
Despite how hard it might be.
you will be a queen one day, and this will be the
hardest thing for you to do.
FATOUMATA:
in the far future !!!
In this moment the Queen realizes how to bargain
with the emissaries from Mali.
When you pick my suitor, just make sure he is a decent
man ?
the queen is lost in thought
Maaa,
Maaa,
QUEEN :
yes my child.
FATOUMATA:
what if i do not grow to have affection for him ?
QUEEN :
for who ?
FATOUMATA:
for my husband.
QUEEN :
(laughs)
my child.
you will be a Queen.
and it is true, i may pick my child’s husband, but you
will pick your child’s father.
FATOUMATA:
mother, what are you saying ?
QUEEN :
dont worry about this, you can survive anything. i
raised you to be strong.

FATOUMATA:
this is why i am scared maa. You raised me to be
strong.
maa,
QUEEN :
yes my child.
FATOUMATA:
is it my mother who is braiding my hair, or my queen
Queen hands fatoumata the mirror
QUEEN :
what difference does it make, look, you are perfect.

Masterpiece

An Ekphrastic poem after visual artist Kerry James Marshal

Master. At least. This you owe me. For I serve you well. Before I leave. Do me this justice. Paint me. With Hog Bristle. Baptiste me. In Oil. Pour me on canvas. Uncompromised. Unapologetic. Holy. Basquiat passion. Crayon crooked. Crown of thorn. Last supper. Popping bottles, breaking bread. With righteous homies.  Make this your great commission. Make your servant divine. I too deserve. To be. Painted. Majestic. Christ Like. Knife grind me open like Picasso cubes. Paint me by number. What colors do you know? To Paint my portrait. There are a million shades of black. I am all of them. Uncompromised. A million shades of black. I am none of them. Unapologetic. Sky below feet. Clouds of moonlight. Pregnant to sweat. Sorrow and granite to paint skin. Paint me. As lost boy. As town boy. Black boys. Don’t get lost in the dark. We become it. Codify my smile. Calibrate my survival. Paint the rising and setting of spirit. I have been with you all this while. Watched you flower in renaissance. Staring. At how you make broken things breathe. I am past redemption. Too ugly to live with time. Still. I ask you. Paint me. Leave nothing to imagination. When oil is dry. Masters will flock to see me hang. On the line. Gallery 2. They feel safe here. Watching a boy hanging. Out of breath. Strange. Fruit of labor. Pay price of my entry. Dada and surrealism. Contemporary abstraction. Batter boutique politics. Do me this justice. Burn this painting. Collage the ashes. This will be my portrait. This accurate reflection. Make me stay. Forever. In this frame.

Lesson Learnt

Lesson Learnt.

Inspired by a random conversation with Ife Ajayi

Gba gba gba gba “Shhooky, Shhooky hopen the gateooo before I call your mother on my cellular !” gba gba gba gba. The pounding on the iron gate was defining. “Ifeanyi, abeg what day is it? “ It is strange how the pounding on the door could induce amnesia in the mind of a 13 year old. “Why is this man always early , he is not meant to be here until 3 o clock.” The clock arrogantly stares back at him. The second hand rotating in naiveté oblivious to the murderous gaze of the 13 year old mortal who needed time to obey his command and slow the hell down; 2:58 pm was the time. Not 3 pm there is a difference. “He can wait outside the gate until 3pm, shebi patience is a virtue. Ignoring the man does not become sin until the clock hits 3pm.” God understands. “Hefayne, Hefanye I will call your madam on my cellular oooo.” What is with this man and his cellular? “Ifeanyi, what time does the Arsenal game start, shee Van Persie is Injured, what is for lunch?” At this point any question but the most obvious one is valid in this place. “Ahn ahn now, what time does the game start, I hope the DSTV is not scrambled and mummy didn’t take the card for the decoder away”

. …..pieeww…….. .

It sounded like the purr of a constipated cat echoed through the room. It was followed by the dropping of an elephant, brgadnm, I know this sound from somewhere, why do these sounds seem so familiar, why did the room just get hotter? His brain taking the time to make sense of this madness that had just manifested itself. This occurrence was not strange to him but for some reason it always caught him by surprise, but at this rate anything that distracted him from the impending danger of the Yoruba accented man outside the door was valid. It was safer to call him this, the Yoruba accented man. It made the eventual lie more valid in his mind. “Shhooky did you not hear me knocking outside” and he will reply “ Sa, I didn’t know it was you, all I heard was a man with a Yoruba accent” in the mind of this 13 year old this alaby could hold up in any court of law because it was his truth. “Plus the name my father gave me was Chukky, not Shhooky, I will not do my ancestors a disservice by allowing you violate sacred culture. This Shooky person does not live here, you can try the next house.”

Of course this simulation of a conversation never found a way to his lips, at 13, he was far from ready to sanction his own death. “Ifeanyi, why did you turn the television of…..the game is about to start. You did not, what do you mean you did not? Why is it off? Gba gba gba, “Shookykk Shooky, Hefayne, they have taken the lightooo howpen de door!!” This was the final ruckus from the Yoruba accented man before a beautiful silence followed. It was now 3 04 the sin had been committed. “Don’t worry Ifeanyi, we will do penance after confession and God will forgive us.” Ring ring ring. “Hello, mum?”. “Chukwuebuka… ; you know she is upset when she called you by your full name. It seems like the Yoruba accented man had utilized his cellular device. I braced myself for the worst. “Didn’t you know your lesson teacher is outside?” ,my loving mother always gave me the benefit of the doubt, with her list of rhetorical questions engrained in my hearts like the 10 commandments. Questions in this list included the following, what will you like to eat for breakfast, is there jollof rice in the fridge, do you mind going to buy fayrouz for me, do you have money for recharge card, and the list goes on.

I don’t know how to lie to my mother. But a blurb and simulation of bad network is not a lie. Is he has bee? Knocking at where, um….mum i think the bad network is….mum, here ne can you…..mum. Think bad is network, bad Is service.” “Chukky are you there?”. Haha , She called me ChuKky again, now we are back on equal playing ground. “Is he, okay, I will ask ifeanyi to open the gate.” No lie was committed, a question was questioned. “Ifeanyi abeg open the gate.”” Hefanye, so you were inside the whole time, Shhooky, where are you…..

Peeewmmm……nooo!!. NEPA just brought light.After the regular 20 minutes of DSTV loading…… I heard Ifeanyi scream “Yes, arsenal 1-0”, “Sa please can I just checked who scored” “Will you sit down ere my friend and finish your lesson.”

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